The choices I make are for reasons I choose.

Dear children:

I was riding in the car today after visiting a friend in the hospital. The ride from the hospital back home was forty minutes. Both of you were relatively quiet and while Papa drove I stared at the passing landscape thinking of my parents and his parents at our age. I was thinking that in my opinion your grandparents made irrevocably wrong choices. Yes, I understand that if they hadn’t made those mistakes then I might not be sitting in that car with Papa and you, but that’s a whole other philosophy lesson.

Your grandparents were just as young when they had me. They made rash decisions: Pete joining the air force and Lola never finishing college. Same as Papa’s parents, well mostly Abuelo. He never wanted to re-take the bar exam for Florida and continuing his career as a lawyer, resulting in his family’s grave poverty for several years until finally fleeing back to Nicaragua.

Then I realized that even though I may not agree with our parents’ choices, they made them according to how they saw fit at the time. I still think they could’ve done better, but then it dawned on me that maybe you will not agree with the choices that I’ve made. So here is a list of reasons why I’ve made certain choices.

1. Rushing to finish school in a degree I will no longer pursue as a career: The reasons behind is this simple: Never. Give. Up. No matter what anyone tells you, how much they don’t believe in you, or how many obstacles you face; never give up. There is no excuse for not finishing your college career. I might not ever continue a career in psychology, but I value the lessons I learned and I don’t regret a day of late nights and online classes. Actually, majoring in psychology has proved quite helpful in raising you.

2. Not going back to school to do what I truly want: The only reason why I’m delaying this is because it’s more important for your Dad to finish school. Then, when he’s done, I will go back and rack up that college debt.

3. Not getting a “real” job: You. You are the reason why I refuse to get a 9-5 J.O.B. Your dad and I have made great sacrifices so that I may stay home and make sure your first five years are as developmentally enriching as possible. In the state of Florida it’s much cheaper for me to stay home and homeschool you, then sending you to the best school in the state.

If you have any other doubts as you get older about the choices your father and I have made, please know that we did it all for you. You are our biggest reasons for any choice we make. It is our love for you that helps move forward. So, please, as your beloved mother, never doubt us. And I promise to not doubt my parents.

Love,

Your Mama.